BACK  by popular demand... Roaster Super Hero Returns

 Thanksgiving at Ma and Pa’s (Again) Roaster Super Hero Re-Appears Ma and PA Go “Fresh” on Thanksgiving It was mid November when Ma and Pa got to talking about Thanksgiving again.  It didn’t take long for the discussion to come ‘round to Roaster Super Hero saving the last TWO Thanksgivings. They agreed this year they’d do it without any super heroes. Pa had an idea…. Why not have the turkey prepared for them by the grocery store?  Hodgins’ Grocery down on Water Street was advertising Prepared Fresh Turkeys in time for Thanksgiving.  Ma said no.  Ma had prepared the turkey for years and up ‘till recently everything was fine.  They just has a spate of bad luck the last two Thanksgivings. “But Ma, it’ll be easier on us if someone else does the work”, Pa argued. “NO!” was Ma’s reply in a tone that indicated that her answer was the end of any discussion about it.  “I’ll do it… Just like I always have.” Pa had lived with Ma long enough to know when he’d been overruled.  Ma’s pride had been hurt and there would be no stopping her from getting Thanksgiving right this year.  Pa took his glasses out of the refrigerator and put them on; “Okay”. Thanksgiving was going to be early this year so Ma and Pa got to the grocery on the Friday before Thanksgiving. Ma knew exactly what she wanted and had the aisles memorized.  Hodgins hadn’t changed their aisles for 20 years.  It didn’t take long to finish shopping. As they walked past the turkey freezers Pa looked at the sign next to the freezer that read:  Fresh turkeys prepared for you and available on Thanksgiving.  “See Ma”, said Pa; “They’ll do the cooking for you”.   “No they won’t”, Ma responded and cruised on by.  “We’re going to get our own turkey, but not today.  Today we’re just getting the fixin’s.  They have plenty of turkeys here; we’ll get the turkey next Monday while we still have a nice choice. About 92 dollars later Ma and Pa left Hodgins with all the Thanksgiving ‘stuff’ plus some really great sale bargains on toothpaste.  It might been on Saturday, or maybe Sunday when the oven quit working.  Ma had noticed an odd smell from the oven Saturday night and when she turned it on Sunday morning there was a large POP POP and the oven went off --- PERMANENTLY. Ma was more than disappointed.  “That oven!!  It’s been workin’ fine for 20 years, and she quits on me just before Thanksgiving!  Pa, we need a new oven and we need it NOW.”  “Well, Ma we can’t buy one before tomorrow ‘cause Arkins (Arkins Appliance Store) is closed.  Let me take a look at their web site.” Arkins’ web site was loaded with all kinds of appliances.  Their ad said: PICK THE APPLIANCE YOU WANT AND WE’LL DELIVER ON DECEMBER 1 – GUARANTEED That wasn’t good, so Pa called Hodgins’ Grocery to see if they still had pre-cooked turkeys.  The good news was they did, and the bad news was they weren’t taking any more Thanksgiving orders. Pa searched the internet and found an advertisement that read: FRESH TURKEYS AT DISCOUNT PRICES – GET YOUR READY-TO-GO THANKSGIVING TURKEY FROM US TODAY – FREE DELIVERY THANKSGIVING MORNING Eight clicks later and Pa had a fresh turkey ready-to-go on order to be delivered Thanksgiving morning. “Ma” Pa shouted, “I’ve got a fresh ready-to-go turkey coming Thanksgiving morning.  We don’t even need an oven.” Ma was only slightly happier when she heard the news. Thanksgiving morning the doorbell rang – it was the turkey delivery.  Ma answered the door… That’s when the screaming started.   Ma, flailing her arms in the air, ran from the front door, through the living room, the kitchen, the hallway and into the bedroom yelling something unintelligible.  Pa ran about one room behind shouting “What’s wrong Ma, Stop. What’s wrong!”  They both ended up in the bedroom. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, and it’s the turkey!  They delivered a fresh turkey all right, and it ran through all the rooms and hid under the bed!” Pa lifted the dust ruffle and yup, there was a turkey hiding under the bed. “Ma, you got any suggestions?” “Yeah, but you don’t wanna hear ‘em!”, Ma growled.  “I think it pooped in the hallway.” Suddenly there was a noise like a rushing tornado, a puff of smoke and Roaster Super Hero appeared (again)… ROASTER SUPER HERO…. The ONLY super hero with gravy and stuffing stains on his cape. And a utility belt full of Thanksgiving solutions. “Y’all having any problems this year?” asked Roaster Super Hero in his typical low, calm voice. Ma opened her mouth as if to speak, took a deep breath, and collapsed on to the couch.  Pa said, “But the advertisement said that this would be a fresh turkey – ready to go.  It’s a little too fresh!  I thought it’d be cooked!  Instead I think I’m cooked!” Roaster Super Hero peeked under the bed. “I see your problem.  I can fix this; it’s what I do.” He reached for a device on his utility belt and pressed the OPEN button.  It began unfolding ‘till it became a wireless refrigerator device mounted next to a wireless oven device. He opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a completely dressed turkey. He put the turkey in the wireless oven device and had the turkey cooked in fifteen seconds. He pressed the CLOSE button on the device and it folded up.  He then stowed it back on his utility belt. He gave Ma and Pa a serious look and said:   “Now, what about the turkey under the bed?  You know, the President always pardons the turkey at Thanksgiving. We can do that too.  I’ll take the turkey to the farm.  I run into this problem at least four or five times each Thanksgiving.  Is that OK with y’all?  ” Ma was still beyond speaking, and Pa looked like he just stepped in something gooey in the hallway. “I’ll take that as a yes”, said Roaster Super Hero as he collected the turkey from under the bed. There was another flash --- Roaster Super Hero and the turkey disappeared. The moral of the story is: When anyone tells you there could be a monster living under your bed they are certainly talking turkey.