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The meeting was brought to order by the secretary (the mayor’s ex-wife) The opening prayer was performed by Reverend Goodby All council members were present. The Mayor sounded the gavel. Old business: Signage to make current the population of Fairhope2 on city limit signs. Reverend Goodby gave a short presentation on the sign problem. As an aside, the Reverend knows his Bible well; he can probably recite the entire Book of Numbers by heart. However, the Reverend has trouble with actual numbers. Which explains why when he was entering the route number for his trip to McDonalds into his GPS system he entered route 932 instead of 392. He was just outside the Paducah city limits when he realized his error --- however as luck would have it, he was able to recover when he saw a McDonalds on the left side of the highway. That meant he would still be able to do his research. But because of the ‘glitch’ in the GPS programming he was 10 minutes late getting back for the Wednesday evening prayer service, however he was immediately forgiven by his congregation ‘cause they started without him anyway. Reverend Goodby noted that the McDonalds sign did not have the lighted numbers that he expected, but he still went in and talked to the manager. The manager informed him that the lighted number signs hadn’t been used for quite some time, but when they were used the system was rather simple. There were two sets of 9 light bulb sockets and in order to show a number one only needed to screw bulbs in the sockets necessary to make that number. The number to put on the sign was given to the local stores by someone in Trenton, New Jersey who was responsible for counting the hamburgers sold. The manager then asked Reverend Goodby if he would like to upsize his fries. The Reverend declined. Reverend Goodby was thanked for his time by Council and the Mayor opened up the topic for council discussion. There were several suggestions made as to how to solve the problem. After much discussion, the councilmen decided to purchase three sets of magnetic numbers to attach to each city limit sign. The plan was to change the numbers monthly to reflect the current population. Council authorized an expenditure for $922.37 for three sets of large magnetic numbers. License Plate Recycling The 4th ward councilman made a motion to give the 63 pounds of license plates left on the city hall steps last month to the recycler down on Flora Avenue for recycling. Those license plates were currently stowed in a cleaning closet at city hall. The motion was passed 4 to 0, with the Mayor recusing himself since he owned the recycler down on Flora. Rename the library sinking fund to eliminate the word sinking. The Second Ward Councilman reported on this. He started by going through the background of the library project. The library to be built was started with an initial grant by the descendants of Major Eucalas J. Peter, a Civil War Officer. No one was sure exactly which side he fought on, but it was generally agreed that he was the only Fairhope2 resident that achieved military fame, and that the initial grant to build the library was quite generous. Given that he had been tasked with changing the name from the “sinking fund” because of the events in the third ward in 1922 the Second Ward Councilman suggested with all innocence and sincerity that the fund be referred to as the Library Erection Fund. Now, there were 42 people in the council chambers that night, and 38 of them began a collective suppressed chortling and choking sound which seemed to oscillate from one side of the room to the other and back. The Schoolmistress looked about trying to figure out what her reaction should be. The din was audible and continuous and growing louder. What happened next could only be determined by reviewing the video of the meeting. It was almost impossible to determine the exact sequence of events. Order was brought by the Mayor by rapping the gavel on the block with increasingly louder and harder taps and calling for order. It took 6 raps before council could proceed. At the same time, sensing something was wrong, the Second Ward Councilman tried, but without thinking first, to come up with an alternative name on the fly. Now, for the record, let it be clear that no one in the chambers was quite sure what the Councilman was going to say, or what he actually said, because he only got so far as to speak “it could be the Major Peter Erec.…” before the Mayor shouted “enough!” and struck a loud crack of the gavel on the block. That’s when the gavel broke, and its mallet end bounced in what appeared to be slow motion --- once, twice, and tumbled off the desk on to the floor looking like a croquet mallet after an unsuccessful wicket. The Mayor, oblivious to the fact that the gavel was in pieces kept waving the gavel handle like a magicians’ wand and called for order. The entire chambers was collectively not sure how to react. Some were openly guffawing, a few were chuckling to themselves, and some appeared to be waiting to see what would happen next. Even the First Ward Councilman, who usually slept through the meetings, awoke and began laughing, not sure what he was laughing about, but it looked like the right thing to do at the time. The Disher sisters, a pair of octogenarian spinsters went pale; the elder sister looked as if she had swallowed a mouse. The Second Ward Councilman turned to face the Mayor and held his breath. Sister Patience, who always wore a most proper face was trying to maintain her composure, but was failing and clearly enjoying it. The Sergeant at Arms ran for the maintenance closet and retrieved a 22 ounce ball pein hammer and handed it to the Mayor. The Mayor ignored it and kept waving his “wand” and shouting “ORDER !!” in hopes of recovering the situation. With each cry for order the din in the chambers seemed to increase in volume. Seeing that order was not to be restored, the Sergeant at Arms grabbed the 22 ounce ball pein hammer, hit the block with a very loud crack and announced that there would be a 10 minute recess of the council meeting to allow the councilmen to caucus. The Second Ward Councilman began breathing again. When council re-convened the Mayor announced in a monotone voice that the library sinking fund was to be called the Library Fund, and wielding his 22 ounce ball pein hammer closed the old items’ discussion and opened the floor to new business. New Business The Third Ward Councilman took the floor and was about ready to ask for the 83rd time for funding for a bridge when he saw the look in the Mayor’s eye and the 22 ounce ball pein hammer in his hand, decided not to bring up the topic and relinquished the floor. Sidewalks The Fourth Ward Councilman had a question about the sidewalk renewal project on Greer Street. One of his constituents, Sister Patience, had a special request. He ceded the floor to Sister Patience and she explained that the Oak in her front yard had roots growing under the sidewalk and that the sidewalk renewal would remove the roots and possibly damage the tree. Sister Patience wanted the sidewalk to step up two steps for the distance across her yard and then down so that the roots wouldn’t be damaged. The Mayor, happy to be dealing with a ‘solvable’ problem agreed hastily to the request and instructed Public Works to make it happen. The Public Works director began to protest, but the Mayor closed the discussion with a frown and a crack of the 22 ounce ball pein hammer on the block. The Fairhope2 Public House The Disher sisters had come to council to ask that the Fairhope2 Public House be closed because it served liquor. Since the Disher sisters were part of and practically ran the Fairhope2 Temperance Union, they considered themselves spokespersons for the Union. Fairhope2 had been in a dry county since 1994 and yet the Fairhope2 Public House was still open. In fact, the Fairhope2 Public House had opened after the city had voted to be dry. The Mayor referred the question to the City Attorney who was present. The City Attorney allowed as that the law as passed in 1994 permitted any liquor establishment already in existence at the time of the passage of the law to remain open as long as the owner ran it. It couldn’t be passed on or sold, it just could be operated for the lifetime of the owner(s). The Elder Disher sister questioned the fact that the Fairhope2 Public House began business in 2002, 18 years after the law was passed. Like every other well-intended law there are unintended consequences. It seems that back in February of 2002 Fairhope2 was in one of those “transitional” periods in that the early flooding caused it to be in Illinois, and the county in Illinois allowed the sale of liquor. That’s when the Fairhope2 Public House was opened for business. So, the owners of the Fairhope2 Public House claimed that they were ‘grandfathered’ in Kentucky once the flood waters ebbed and Fairhope2 was again back in Kentucky. Apparently the courts had agreed way back in 2003 that this fell under the “grandfather”, “grandmother”, or “grandperson” part of the statute. The younger Disher sister began to speak, but the Mayor told her that she needed to make an appointment with the City Attorney to discuss this further. With no more new business to be discussed the Mayor picked up his 22 ounce ball pein hammer, gave it a long look, hit the block and called the meeting closed. After the lights went out the block shuddered for a moment, and subsequently fell into two pieces.